Rather than try to shoot down an ailing spy satellite with a long-range missile, the Defense Department announced they are sending up an oil driller and his zany crew. “This is an honor.” Oil driller Harry Stamper told reporters. “I can only hope my daughter Grace, played by Liv Tyler, will fall for my assistant AJ, and I will at first be against it, but then sacrifice myself for her boyfriend, that would be pretty cool.” The crew will be launched into space with a crew of disapproving astronauts. “I look forward to rolling my eyes, then eventually appreciating their blue collar approach.” Lead astronaut Colonel William Sharp said. "I may lose some of my astronauts, but it will be a lesson well learned."

Surprising most everyone in Hollywood, the viral video ‘2 Girls 1 Cup’ was nominated for Best Picture and Best Adapted Screenplay. 2 Girls features 2 girls defecating and vomiting into a cup and then turn to consume the vomit and excrement into each other’s mouths…Wow. 2 Girls director Marco Firito said he ‘about shit himself’ hearing he was nominated. “I could not believe.” The 36 Brazilian said. “This is for all those people who said there was no future in scat eating films.” After receiving the nomination, IMAX theatres plan on releasing a ‘bigger than life’ version of the film. “Seeing 30 foot high shit, what a dream come true.” Added Firito.